Why KFC would be good form of torture.

That's it folks. If you ever think cooking will be a hassle and you're too hungry to wait, think again. You could have these symptoms.

1. nausea

2. vomiting

3. explosive diarrhea

4. light headedness

5. cramps

6. self-loathing

7. fever

Because of my own ignorance and laziness, I will now be sick the rest of the night. Jay assured me I would be ill, but you know how easy it is to disagree with someone when they try to tell you what to do. It has now been two hours since the chicken thigh I bit into burst into grease and steam. (It makes me nauseous thinking about it) KFC seemed like a good idea only because it has been over ten years since I had it.

I have a fever. I feel like I swallowed a live possum writhing around in my stomach. My head is pounding. It's the Chicken and/or the grease. What do they put in that stuff, anthrax?

Below is an example of one of the Bush administration's controversial, enhanced interrogation methods.

Torturer- If you don't tell me where the weapons, you will suffer.
Torturee- Oh yeah? What are you going to do? Feed me?
[ The Torturer laughs while stuffing the young man's face with a chicken leg. The man instantly recoils in disgust.]
[2 hours later]
Torturer- Are you ready to talk?
[The Torturee is shivering in a small ball and simultaneously shitting his pants.]
Torturee- Please, not another drum stick! I'll talk! I'll talk!


If I ever look through the thin window of a KFC and see a child eating at a booth, I will personally walk in there and slap the mom or dad in the face with a chicken wing and say, "Don't you care about the stomach lining of your child? You should be ashamed." Previous described torture does not work on these people because their bodies are used to being abused with bad food. In fact, if you really want to punish them for taking 10 years off their children's life, chase them out of KFC with an organic turnip or beet (or anything alien-like but edible).

That's it folks. I feel like I am dying. Like my innards are tying themselves in knots until there's nothing left to tie. I'm so weak. I should probably write my will right now.

Ok, My trust fund goes to my little brothers.

Kidding. I don't have a trust fund.

blah.


self loatthinngggg.


Oh, look what I found. I'm not alone.
http://www.kfcmademesick.com/