Lasik-The Day After.

Rae, as she returns from the future with a message from 2088.

First of all, MOTHER-FUCKING-OW. The time I had to wait was way longer than than actual the procedure; however, the lasik took longer than it would for most because my eyes had to be custom lasered, and as you all know, I'm blind as all hell. The valium helped my head calm itself down, but my heart was still beating like I had run two miles. By the time the nurses put me in a ridiculous hospital cap and ear guards, I was crying like a pansy, and my entourage (Suz, Jay, mom) could see me through the window and on a big screen. I'm such a wimp when it comes to anything coming in direct contact with my eyeballs, so this was not easy.
     I'm not going to explain the whole procedure because it's stomach-turning and detailed. What I will tell you is Lasik is nothing like you see on youtube or google. The equipment my Doctor used was far more advanced than the strange cornea cutters and lasers you'd see online. This was a relief to find out after expecting the worst. Even though the machiens were newer and less invasive, I still left the office with exploded blood vessels and bruising.
     The strangest part of the procedure were the sizzling eye drops (I could hear my own eyes foaming and burning), having my eye pushed down so hard I thought it was going to explode, seeing everything through a fog for 12 hours (almost magical), and smelling the aftermath of the laser as it charred my eyeballs. The scent is much like burnt hair only grosser...because it's your eyeball.
      The best part of the procedure was Suz Webster. She brought M&Ms, diet coke, and Cheetos, and ate like my eyeballs were an action movie. That girl made every sex joke known to humankind, and still had enough humor left to me all about what I couldn't see. Not that I wanted to know.
      Today my eye are 20/20 -1 together. On their own my eyes are ok, but not perfect My vision is still a little fuzzy, but I'm not complaining and it hasn't even been 24 hours yet. I haven't seen this well since I popped out of the womb (It was all downhill from there). I might regress and need a touch-up surgery (and to that I say HELLLL no)or some reading glasses in 6 months to a year from now, but I don't need to pay for it because that's all a part of this grueling, long procedure.--more like research because this is all so new. Comforting, not really.

For the next week, I have a date with many different bottles of eye drops.