You know you're in Bat Yam when...

It's strange that to learn a new language, one must sacrifice a lot of their mother tongue. My mind does not allow me to hold and use the new vocabulary I have gained while simultaneously maintaining perfect English.

Tips to survive in Bat Yam:

1. Never assume that an empty bench does not belong to some scowling Russian over the age of 60 with a gimp arm or puffy gray/blonde hair.

2. Do not--I repeat, do not pet the cats. They don't even look cute; they're mangey with one goal--to be fed or to pass on their mites/diseases trying.

3. Learn enough Hebrew or Russian to buy groceries or you will be cheated out of very shekel because all Americans are apparently rich and only here to go to the beach and steal all the sexy Israeli men. Russian is also pretty important when creepy old men try to talk to you on the bus. One must at the very least know how to say, "go away or I will stab you."

4. Do not expect to leave the thorny throngs of Bat Yam on any day after 11pm, Friday afternoon, or Saturday. There are no sheiruts like most other parts of the cities and unless you want to take your chances riding a cat...you're better off sulking in your room.

5. The water at Bat Yam beach is filled with more plastic bottles, paper labels, and cigarettes than water. Whoever created Plastic Island really meant the small chunk of land connected to the coast of Israel.

6. Picture open balconies with curtains blowing in the wind midday with everything bleached in sun light? Beautiful, I know, but inside there's a woman or man sweating their genitalia off because their air doesn't work or they don't have it. And outside the stench of traffic and some native berry rise into the apartment where the residents stew in it. Still lovely? Definitely not.

7. In Bat Yam it is acceptable for a man to jump out of a bush in the park to ask you for your phone number (but it sounds a little more like this; "I can take phone!").

8. The bats are the size of geese, the cockroaches are the size of mice, and the Russians are...well, Russians. Can you tell yet that Russians are really starting to piss me off?

On another more general note. I am frustrated with this country. You can't travel anywhere in less than an hour, and everything is getting in my way.