summer unexcitement

Dear Brain,

People say growing up happens over a long period of time, that it is a gradual maturation acquired from learning from our mistakes and observing those who have done so successfully. Eventually, the frontal lobe of our brain fully develops and before we even realize it, we have become the law abiding, 9 to 5 working, dog walking, individuals we are programmed to become. We leave our pot smoking and binge drinking days behind to build futures for the children we have not had yet, but will. It must feel like waking up from one of those rests where you’ve forgotten where you fell asleep and have no idea how long you had been sleeping. You awake to this unshakable grogginess, and once the caffeine kicks in, you realize you’d really like to go back to sleep.

I woke up today. Who knows what provoked it or why, but I feel like I haven't done anything worthy with my life. I know, I am only twenty-one, but I'm not even sure I am existing properly. I mean, I wake up, eat, write, (most of the time), poop, pee, exercise, eat some more, and then sleep. A part from the writing, what makes me different from a fucking dog?


I know it's the dumb age old question: Why am I here? And it's not like that question is going to be answered anytime soon if it's answered at all. I just gotta chill, but it's hard to relax when you're always worried about what you could be doing instead of relaxing.


Beer time: The age old solution to calming the nerves

P.S. I think I get bored too easily.